It sounds like the title of a badly written, short story that was printed in the back of a free magazine. What I do know is this; the car exists and when it is seen the observer’s blood runs cold.

You can see it a mile off, you know that what you’re looking at is the Flying Dutchman of the motoring world. Well, out here at least. There may be a Red Mazda of your local town, I don’t know.

I remember when I first saw it and I was just newly moved in. I thought that it wasn’t going to be a problem, that my Renault and the Mazda could live in harmony out here in the back-of-beyond. But no, the Mazda took another victim. It couldn’t resist, its basic model ways, and its quirky bumper sticker lashed out and in under a second claimed another soul.

This is a word of warning. If you see this car, parked, waiting at lights, or driving along stay away. It’s not worth your life to be stuck behind the meandering, dangerously slow and inept Red Mazda of Courtmacsherry.

I saw it this morning after thinking it had gone into hibernation. There it was with three other victims helplessly trailing along behind it. I had to pull over and hide, I had to get away before I too was snared and left to writhe in my seat in despair and anger at the Red Mazda of Courtmacsherry.

Maybe it’s not the Mazda’s fault, maybe it too has been enslaved by something more powerful. Maybe it has a parasite controlling it, forcing it to do it’s bidding? Who knows, I certainly don’t have the courage to approach the unforgiving beast.

Just keep South West Cork in your prayers tonight, this beast is awake and back. There is nothing we can do but try and live alongside it. One day a hero will rise and take it from us. Until that day, pray.

I’m blessed with the fact my nearest airport is possibly the cleanest, pleasantest and down-right all round friendliest airport in the world. I dare you to find better than Cork.

As such it makes any form of travel completely stess free. Cork is a new building – I don’t know what it was like in the old terminal building. Though it is still standing it must still serve a purpose. The car park is close to the main building too, so I don’t have to worry about my car being miles from any where. It’s never crowded though I am sure it’s more to do with the fact it’s local and not a massive international. But what it does, Cork seems to do right.

Even the customs staff there are always polite and smiling.

So here I am in Terminal 3 at Heathrow. I’m flying out to North Carolina today so this isn’t my last stop. I have the joy of New York’s JFK for a few hours. I have been there before and I remember a large airy building but a lot of grumpy “I don’t want to be here” people. With the exception of a few surprisingly funny and pleasant people.

I’ve just flown from Cork on Aer Lingus. Who, in my opinion, are the best short haul airline out there. Please note that I said best, not cheapest or fastest, or has the most destinations. The best. The “all-rounders”. I have flown Easy Jet, Ryan Air and Aer Lingus and the latter were by far the most friendliest, most efficient, and the one thing that tops the list? They allocate seating. The other two as I recall – don’t. So where you should be hopping onto a flight for a short quick, easy and pain free journey to the next country along in your little “union” you end up running like mad men towards to the plane (who, if it was a person would be quivering in fear and hiding under it’s newspaper).You charge on with little regard for those around you just so you don’t get stuck next to the reject that reminds you of the front row freak back in school. Stress before you have even sat down, which is something I don’t want.

Then there are the attendants. There to make your life more comfortable and easier on this short flight. When they announce the safety instructions or talk you would like some semblance of understanding between the two parties. Not some strange mish-mash of eastern European, Gaelic and something that could have been English (this was on a Cork – Gatwick flight on another airline). No, I don’t expect everyone to speak English. I’m not American. However, even if it is a series of grunts at least I could understand the gestures. I know at least one that is universal for “toilet”.

But now I am excited because I am waiting for my flight to JFK (the longest section of my trip) and it’s a good’un. I’m flying Virgin Atlantic and I can’t wait.

I’ve flown with them twice, both times to and from New York, and I’m flying with them again next year to San Francisco and L.A. They are in my humblest of opinions, in my Economy Class of opinions the best airline out there and I urge you all to at least fly them once.

Sure they have probably their fair share of complaints and accidents and problems. They cancelled one of my flights once but I was put straight onto the next available flight just an hour after my original one should have left.

I’ve flown on a packed plane and a half empty one, I’ve flown with them during the day and over night. Each time the attendants were helpful, friendly and above all (regardless of their nationality) I could understand them.

The food I have heard, has had it’s moments – at the same time you have to remember you’re flying. You’re not going to get anything more than a freeze-dried, shrink wrapped version of a sausage in a past life. Which you then have to stab to death (again) with a plastic implement that was once modeled on a knife, or fork or spoon depending on what they allow you to have on board this week. That’s what everyone gets. You’re hurtling towards your destination at 600mph in a sealed tube. Expect it!

The TV in the back of the seat in front of you, the control unit, the welcome from Check In to landing all are so much more than anything I have seen or experienced on long haul and short haul. I found myself in Gatwick once, looking longingly at the Virgin Atlantic attendants as I stood waiting for the one scabby looking Ryan Air desk to open. It was a sad and depressing day.

On the one hand I want every air line to be exactly like Virgin Atlantic. But at the same time I don’t. Virgin Atlantic have it in the bag because they are the only one’s that do what they do. And do it well. You feel infinitely cooler knowing that you have a Virgin Atlantic ticket, and you can grin at the poor people checking in to other air lines.

Thank you Mr. Branson. Once again you’ve done it right. I’m currently saving up for Virgin Galactic. So, give me a few decades and I’ll be happy customer up there too!

  • That just because you want to get somewhere on time doesn’t mean everyone else on the road does.
  • Respecting the locals because “they know the roads” doesn’t necessarily mean they will drive quicker or be any less of an idiot than a tourist.
  • ‘Next Day Delivery’ actually means whenever they get around to it.
  • There is no post on a Saturday.
  • There are chavs everywhere (even in sleeply little fishing villages).
  • No one can drive in Ireland – thus cementing my belief that I am the best driver in the world.
  • Lasercards aren’t worth the plastic they’re printed on.
  • The way of life might be relaxed but unfortunately there are a few people here that do need things doing quickly and don’t appreciate the slacking attitute.
  • The Garda are far better at “keeping the peace” than the Police in the UK are at “policing the population”.

See!? I don’t always complain.