Adorable photos, holding hands walking down a beach, romantic weekends away, kissing in the rain, living together, falling asleep in each other’s arms, showering together, cooking for each other, using a potters wheel- Ok. You get the idea.
There are two main types of people in relationships these days. People desperately trying to have the relationship that they think everyone wants them to have (Type A), and then everyone else (Type B).
AND the sometimes awful reality of it all, the first type is nearly always only 50% of the relationship.
What sparked this was a reddit thread where the question “What is one thing you think every couple should experience together?” There are a few suggestions that smack a lot of Type A. But quickly enough reality checked in. “Falling asleep in each other’s embrace.” Beautiful. Not in each other’s arms, but in their embrace. Then reality comes along. “Then waking up to your SO’s morning breath.” “Arm cramp from hell” “And marinating in their night sweat.”
Sure you do the falling asleep wrapped around each other for the first few months. And then you realise that you don’t want to go to bed just yet it’s only 9pm! And holy crap stop stealing the sheets. Since when did this double bed get so small? Hair. Hair everywhere!
Two single beds. That’s the future.
Showering together. Since my hair has got longer it’s impossible. And since our shower is a cupboard as well. That and I want to scrub my arse in peace. I don’t need an audience. It isn’t romantic, at least not any more!
Kissing in the rain. Freaked out by too much spit in a snog? Kissing in the rain is not for you.
SEX. If it becomes a chore then the relationship is … well, I’ll go so far to say it’s done. At that point you both need to look at things and work out why one of you looks at it as a chore. Sex is not a requirement of any relationship. You don’t tick boxes in a relationship and sex isn’t one of those things that is just done. Some people have very healthy physical relationships. And for one couple that can mean most nights of the week, and for others it could be once a week and for a small few; only on special occasions. But it works for them.
Getting married and having children. For those of us in the know, when you have sex you get pregnant and you give birth (provided other means of prevention haven’t been considered). Sometimes people get married. These two tasks were a staple in relationships for a long time in the UK because it meant you got a tax break. One for being married and the other for having kids. I do not know if this is the case, but it was when my mum got married and had me and Fran. Marriage is very symbolic of love, and proposals are not the “well I guess we better!” they once were. You don’t have to get married now, and you certainly don’t need to have children. Get married because you want to, have a baby because you want to. Two people can live together on their own for as long as they want. Lack of marriage or a baby shouldn’t lessen their devotion to each other.
In conclusion I think the ONE thing every couple should experience together should be THEMSELVES. Being a couple is not an act or a show for other people. Don’t be what you assume society wants you to be.
A couple is two people, two individuals. You’re not a package. People can hang out with me and not see Jonathan. Visa versa, too. And think about that fact. What you’re sharing with the world about your relationship – does the other person want you doing that?
I blame romantic comedies, I know a few women who believe Hugh Grant and Robert Downey Jnr characters are realistic and are going to find those women while they sit at home reading magazines of how to be the perfect lover.